[He doesn't know. He's been trying for so long and he's never been able to really capture true optimism and hold it. He always tries to find silver linings and see the good in people but when it comes to finding that in himself it's harder. He always has to be doing more, doing better. There's always something to make up for. It wasn't always like this, he knows that conceptually. Growing up he was a nervous kid but nowhere near the level of anxiety and paranoia he can sink to now.
Not that it's exactly a mystery why but he wishes he could crawl his way back up again. He just doesn't know how to go about starting.]
How'm I supposed to when it just -- when it keeps comin' back. I can't ever make a fresh start. I can't ever shake it off.
[Unless he erased it out of his own head, but he tried that once, didn't he, and look where it got him. That's not an option. All he can do is wait to be crushed under the weight of his own mistakes.]
I'm bein' serious because god, if you know, tell me.
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[He doesn't know. He's been trying for so long and he's never been able to really capture true optimism and hold it. He always tries to find silver linings and see the good in people but when it comes to finding that in himself it's harder. He always has to be doing more, doing better. There's always something to make up for. It wasn't always like this, he knows that conceptually. Growing up he was a nervous kid but nowhere near the level of anxiety and paranoia he can sink to now.
Not that it's exactly a mystery why but he wishes he could crawl his way back up again. He just doesn't know how to go about starting.]
How'm I supposed to when it just -- when it keeps comin' back. I can't ever make a fresh start. I can't ever shake it off.
[Unless he erased it out of his own head, but he tried that once, didn't he, and look where it got him. That's not an option. All he can do is wait to be crushed under the weight of his own mistakes.]
I'm bein' serious because god, if you know, tell me.