MOCK TRIAL

[hijackers]

"Alright, mooks, everybody make youse way down to the trial room, pronto!"

[There's certainly no trial room on the map. No trial soundstage, no trial room, where oh where could they be talking about. You might spend a long time looking for it, or only be thinking about it for a single second before it comes over you.

Whenever you close your ears, or even blink, you find yourself there.

The room is a cartoony laboratory, filled to the brims with scientific equipment and beakers beyond wondrous, almost impossible to imagine being utilized in any sort of actual scientific context. A large monitor is mounted on the ceiling, playing a single clip on repeat along with the words "IMAGINEER THINK TANK". There is a large stage underneath that television, which your two hosts take their places at quite readily.

A circle of metal podiums is set up on the ground floor, 26 in total. Each is marked with a name and a photograph of the individual who's supposed to take their place there, as well as a keyboard for inputting...something. The 26th podium is marked with a grayscale photograph of Gwenpool.

Your fellow participants appear in the room one-by-one, seeming to "digitize" out of nowhere. Once everyone has appeared in the room and taken their place, the air around them seems to go deathly still.

Mugsi holds a cigar between her lips, lighting it from a stick of dynamite lit by Kate. With Mugsi taking a deep inhale, Kate speaks, the dynamite somehow fizzling out.]

Each of you has a place you oughta be sitting, and your job is to solve the mystery that's been put before ya. Once you think you know who did it, input their name on the keyboard in front of you. Majority rules, participation is mandatory, and if ya vote wrong you're not gonna see the light of day ever again!

So, get on with it!

Comments

[not_over_yet]

[ Basil's fairly sure that counts as "the proof's in another world", particularly given the effort to disguise it with insults. ]

Does this ride have an objective? I do so hope that it's not "for the participants to enjoy themselves", because if it is, I'm afraid we've tested your ride and found it to be a dismal failure.

[billbillbill]

Finding the culprit. You can certainly perform that bit.

[not_over_yet]

Ah, so the objective is to entertain you. Did you ever consider learning to read? Or did you jump straight to this, being a madman and all.

[billbillbill]

Are you attempting to insult my intelligence?

[not_over_yet]

...Actually, it was your absurdity, but I see you don't understand that concept.

[billbillbill]

Hardly. I understand the hypocrisy of a self-proclaimed private investigator refusing to solve a murder and instead choosing to harass me.

[not_over_yet]

Of course. The imaginary murder. How terrible of me.

[billbillbill]

You didn't know it was imaginary until you summoned me.

[not_over_yet]

I knew the game had no win condition. Not changing the game would have been idiotic.

[billbillbill]

Yet, you were willing to let the murder of an innocent pass you by.

[yayashton]

They're all protagonists, Bill. I don't know what you expected.

[billbillbill]

Regardless.

[yayashton]

I'm just saying, you can't expect a protagonist to be a nice person. They think they're nice, but in reality it's all about them, everyone else be damned.

[not_over_yet]

I know perfectly well I'm "not nice". It gets in the way of doing my damned job.

[yayashton]

Let me rephrase: you think you did the right thing, because it "makes the most sense." [He doesn't actually make the air quotes, but you can definitely hear them.] That's not what happened. What happened is you created a villain, because nobody can be the villain in their own story.

This whole argument is pointless: you'll "win," even if it doesn't make any sense, and he'll "lose." Yelling at him more just drags out the inevitable.

[not_over_yet]

You do realize he existed before I called on him? I hardly created him by doing so.

[yayashton]

You really don't listen. I didn't say you created him, I said you created a villain. Up until you called him, he was the protagonist of his own story. Now he's the villain of ours.

[not_over_yet]

[ ....... ]

Do you consider everything to be some manner of fiction? At all times, no exceptions?

[stepfordsynthezoid]

...I am unsure that I would consider myself important enough to be a protagonist of any story.

[If she's going to attempt to speak Ryan's language.]

[yayashton]

Statistically at least some of you have to be secondary or tertiary characters - I can't be the only one. It's just faster to say "protagonists."

[stepfordsynthezoid]

...I am sorry, I truly am struggling to grasp most of the words out of your mouth. I will attempt to do better.

[greekrevival]

He's speaking as if we're all actors in a story. No matter what anyone tells him, he's convinced we all are just playing parts.

[stepfordsynthezoid]

If that is the truth... can we nonetheless ask him to play a part in our progression through the case?

[not_over_yet]

It's no fault of yours, madam. I'm afraid the poor fellow's insane.

[not_over_yet]

Solve one murder rather than preventing another twenty-five? ...You really don't have a solid grasp on consequences.