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foolishmortals2018-10-28 09:00 am
grimgrinningghosts) wrote in foolishmortals2018-10-28 09:00 am
Gaiden Mock Round
[ You wake up in what might be the single worst place to wake up if you didn’t go to sleep there: sprawled across a row of airport terminal chairs. Oh, there’s probably a major pain in your back that might last a while. Do you even remember going to sleep in the first place?
The standard airport loudspeaker buzz is being piped in, but this is clearly not a real airport: the glass that would usually have airplanes behind it is no glass at all - it’s a massive (and kind of cheap-looking) matte painting. If you pay attention to the announcements too, they seem to be more like a bad stand-up impression of airport announcements than real ones. “The white zones are for schmoozing only” - really?
There are also, notably, no other living travelers in this airport. It’s just you guys, confusion, and a lot of painted cutout images of laughing people. If you do a lot of Earthly plane traveling, you might recognize what this place is supposed to look like - Los Angeles International Airport.And if you don’t, LAX is certainly what they’ve decided to stamp on everything - especially the plastic replica baggage in the comically fake replica baggage claim.
You might know where you’re supposed to think you are, but you have no idea how you got here.
Eventually, though, someone else speaks through the loudspeaker! And appears on all the TV screens. And the joke arrival/departure screen.
Oh no. ]
Superstars! It’s me, your agent! Kiss kiss, hello hello! Sharpay, love the outfit. Sadness, lookin’ down and out as ever. You’re all looking so, uh, “on point,” as the kids say. Welcome to Los Angeles, City of Angels and Home of the Stars! Like you! Now we got a schedule to keep, so move your sorry butts out to Bel-Air to the mansion, alright? We gotta get you ready for your date with Hollywood, and she is NOT a dame you wanna keep waiting! Though of course, as we say out here, “fashionably late” is encouraged, so on second thought you know what? Go ahead and take ya time. See the sights! Grab a coffee! Listen, I got Brad Pitt on the other line here, so ciao, babes, love you all, see you at the mansion! Mwah!
[ … well. At least you know the creepy robot face of maybe your kidnapper? Maybe chat with one of the other people here about it? There’s also certainly a front door, the building is hardly locked up.
If you do decide to take your leave of the airport, which is understandable, you’ll end up on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, or at least a similarly creepy and cheap replica of it. If you look at the stars, you might recognize the names. There are plenty of places to check out, but there are no exits - the edges of the area are surrounded by false storefronts. Looks like you might be in “Los Angeles” for the long haul. ]
[ Let’s talk about your locations, though, very briefly. The only place for 24-hour food is Starslurps Cafe, they have coffee and pastries and The Worst Name, and whatever you want you can just kind of take because the barista is a cardboard cutout that just kind of says “FOR YOU, IT’S ON THE HOUSE” every time you trip a motion sensor. Fur Sure is where you can get more clothes beyond the ones on your backs, but they’re all very fancy and there are So Many fur coats. The Psychic Fax Center features an ornate seance room complete with crystal ball and tarot cards, but also there’s a very 90s fax machine collecting dust in the corner. Tattoo on You is a tattoo parlor, in case you want a souvenir? It would probably help if there was anyone to run the machines.
Superstar Studios is closed and locked up tight. Gotta wait for your cue, it looks like.
Beethoven Bowling is a pretty standard bowling alley, with automatic lanes and all the cardboardy pizza and lukewarm hot dogs you can eat. The Cobra Cabana opens at 6pm, and is a fully-stocked bar with a jungle theme. The only food they serve is chips and salsa for some reason. Laughter Shocks is a comedy club, but the only comedy playing is a 24-hour loop of bad Tim Allen stand-up. Then, finally, there’s the mansion you’re all staying at, with bedrooms enough for everyone and all kinds of over-decorated rooms. It comes with a swimming pool and its own full-size Aztec Temple in the backyard. Don’t worry about it, babe, it’s just Bel-Air living. ]
The standard airport loudspeaker buzz is being piped in, but this is clearly not a real airport: the glass that would usually have airplanes behind it is no glass at all - it’s a massive (and kind of cheap-looking) matte painting. If you pay attention to the announcements too, they seem to be more like a bad stand-up impression of airport announcements than real ones. “The white zones are for schmoozing only” - really?
There are also, notably, no other living travelers in this airport. It’s just you guys, confusion, and a lot of painted cutout images of laughing people. If you do a lot of Earthly plane traveling, you might recognize what this place is supposed to look like - Los Angeles International Airport.And if you don’t, LAX is certainly what they’ve decided to stamp on everything - especially the plastic replica baggage in the comically fake replica baggage claim.
You might know where you’re supposed to think you are, but you have no idea how you got here.
Eventually, though, someone else speaks through the loudspeaker! And appears on all the TV screens. And the joke arrival/departure screen.
Oh no. ]
Superstars! It’s me, your agent! Kiss kiss, hello hello! Sharpay, love the outfit. Sadness, lookin’ down and out as ever. You’re all looking so, uh, “on point,” as the kids say. Welcome to Los Angeles, City of Angels and Home of the Stars! Like you! Now we got a schedule to keep, so move your sorry butts out to Bel-Air to the mansion, alright? We gotta get you ready for your date with Hollywood, and she is NOT a dame you wanna keep waiting! Though of course, as we say out here, “fashionably late” is encouraged, so on second thought you know what? Go ahead and take ya time. See the sights! Grab a coffee! Listen, I got Brad Pitt on the other line here, so ciao, babes, love you all, see you at the mansion! Mwah!
[ … well. At least you know the creepy robot face of maybe your kidnapper? Maybe chat with one of the other people here about it? There’s also certainly a front door, the building is hardly locked up.
If you do decide to take your leave of the airport, which is understandable, you’ll end up on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, or at least a similarly creepy and cheap replica of it. If you look at the stars, you might recognize the names. There are plenty of places to check out, but there are no exits - the edges of the area are surrounded by false storefronts. Looks like you might be in “Los Angeles” for the long haul. ]
[ Let’s talk about your locations, though, very briefly. The only place for 24-hour food is Starslurps Cafe, they have coffee and pastries and The Worst Name, and whatever you want you can just kind of take because the barista is a cardboard cutout that just kind of says “FOR YOU, IT’S ON THE HOUSE” every time you trip a motion sensor. Fur Sure is where you can get more clothes beyond the ones on your backs, but they’re all very fancy and there are So Many fur coats. The Psychic Fax Center features an ornate seance room complete with crystal ball and tarot cards, but also there’s a very 90s fax machine collecting dust in the corner. Tattoo on You is a tattoo parlor, in case you want a souvenir? It would probably help if there was anyone to run the machines.
Superstar Studios is closed and locked up tight. Gotta wait for your cue, it looks like.
Beethoven Bowling is a pretty standard bowling alley, with automatic lanes and all the cardboardy pizza and lukewarm hot dogs you can eat. The Cobra Cabana opens at 6pm, and is a fully-stocked bar with a jungle theme. The only food they serve is chips and salsa for some reason. Laughter Shocks is a comedy club, but the only comedy playing is a 24-hour loop of bad Tim Allen stand-up. Then, finally, there’s the mansion you’re all staying at, with bedrooms enough for everyone and all kinds of over-decorated rooms. It comes with a swimming pool and its own full-size Aztec Temple in the backyard. Don’t worry about it, babe, it’s just Bel-Air living. ]
2/2
HAH! Talk about bein' blown off! I used to think that they were ignorin' me, but you guys--!
[He lets out a single, harsh laugh.]
You're the worst of the worst! Nobody cares 'bout you anymore!
no subject
Yes, yes, it is true tragedy. Luckily, I care nothing for any of the rest of the Mappets. They are all dead to me.
no subject
Ditching 'em? Good move, good move. Rule number one of success--never rely on other people, no matter what! Even the most reliable henchman always bungles it up.
no subject
no subject
[He lets out an indignant huff, his ears twitching.]
The other day, someone told me they wanted to unionize 'cus I wasn't treating 'em fair. Well, I says, if I treat 'em fair, they's gonna start thinkin' they can boss me around, too!
no subject
no subject
A goolag? Haven't heard that term in years....
[He scratches the stubble on his chin. Why does a cat have stubble? Don't worry about it.]
Dang, the heck did you do to get into a goolag? Arson? Petty thievery? More arson?
no subject
no subject
Impressive track record. [A pause, then a laugh.] You call yourself a criminal? I've done all of that and vandalism. Take that.
no subject