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foolishmortals2018-10-28 09:00 am
grimgrinningghosts) wrote in foolishmortals2018-10-28 09:00 am
Gaiden Mock Round
[ You wake up in what might be the single worst place to wake up if you didn’t go to sleep there: sprawled across a row of airport terminal chairs. Oh, there’s probably a major pain in your back that might last a while. Do you even remember going to sleep in the first place?
The standard airport loudspeaker buzz is being piped in, but this is clearly not a real airport: the glass that would usually have airplanes behind it is no glass at all - it’s a massive (and kind of cheap-looking) matte painting. If you pay attention to the announcements too, they seem to be more like a bad stand-up impression of airport announcements than real ones. “The white zones are for schmoozing only” - really?
There are also, notably, no other living travelers in this airport. It’s just you guys, confusion, and a lot of painted cutout images of laughing people. If you do a lot of Earthly plane traveling, you might recognize what this place is supposed to look like - Los Angeles International Airport.And if you don’t, LAX is certainly what they’ve decided to stamp on everything - especially the plastic replica baggage in the comically fake replica baggage claim.
You might know where you’re supposed to think you are, but you have no idea how you got here.
Eventually, though, someone else speaks through the loudspeaker! And appears on all the TV screens. And the joke arrival/departure screen.
Oh no. ]
Superstars! It’s me, your agent! Kiss kiss, hello hello! Sharpay, love the outfit. Sadness, lookin’ down and out as ever. You’re all looking so, uh, “on point,” as the kids say. Welcome to Los Angeles, City of Angels and Home of the Stars! Like you! Now we got a schedule to keep, so move your sorry butts out to Bel-Air to the mansion, alright? We gotta get you ready for your date with Hollywood, and she is NOT a dame you wanna keep waiting! Though of course, as we say out here, “fashionably late” is encouraged, so on second thought you know what? Go ahead and take ya time. See the sights! Grab a coffee! Listen, I got Brad Pitt on the other line here, so ciao, babes, love you all, see you at the mansion! Mwah!
[ … well. At least you know the creepy robot face of maybe your kidnapper? Maybe chat with one of the other people here about it? There’s also certainly a front door, the building is hardly locked up.
If you do decide to take your leave of the airport, which is understandable, you’ll end up on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, or at least a similarly creepy and cheap replica of it. If you look at the stars, you might recognize the names. There are plenty of places to check out, but there are no exits - the edges of the area are surrounded by false storefronts. Looks like you might be in “Los Angeles” for the long haul. ]
[ Let’s talk about your locations, though, very briefly. The only place for 24-hour food is Starslurps Cafe, they have coffee and pastries and The Worst Name, and whatever you want you can just kind of take because the barista is a cardboard cutout that just kind of says “FOR YOU, IT’S ON THE HOUSE” every time you trip a motion sensor. Fur Sure is where you can get more clothes beyond the ones on your backs, but they’re all very fancy and there are So Many fur coats. The Psychic Fax Center features an ornate seance room complete with crystal ball and tarot cards, but also there’s a very 90s fax machine collecting dust in the corner. Tattoo on You is a tattoo parlor, in case you want a souvenir? It would probably help if there was anyone to run the machines.
Superstar Studios is closed and locked up tight. Gotta wait for your cue, it looks like.
Beethoven Bowling is a pretty standard bowling alley, with automatic lanes and all the cardboardy pizza and lukewarm hot dogs you can eat. The Cobra Cabana opens at 6pm, and is a fully-stocked bar with a jungle theme. The only food they serve is chips and salsa for some reason. Laughter Shocks is a comedy club, but the only comedy playing is a 24-hour loop of bad Tim Allen stand-up. Then, finally, there’s the mansion you’re all staying at, with bedrooms enough for everyone and all kinds of over-decorated rooms. It comes with a swimming pool and its own full-size Aztec Temple in the backyard. Don’t worry about it, babe, it’s just Bel-Air living. ]
The standard airport loudspeaker buzz is being piped in, but this is clearly not a real airport: the glass that would usually have airplanes behind it is no glass at all - it’s a massive (and kind of cheap-looking) matte painting. If you pay attention to the announcements too, they seem to be more like a bad stand-up impression of airport announcements than real ones. “The white zones are for schmoozing only” - really?
There are also, notably, no other living travelers in this airport. It’s just you guys, confusion, and a lot of painted cutout images of laughing people. If you do a lot of Earthly plane traveling, you might recognize what this place is supposed to look like - Los Angeles International Airport.And if you don’t, LAX is certainly what they’ve decided to stamp on everything - especially the plastic replica baggage in the comically fake replica baggage claim.
You might know where you’re supposed to think you are, but you have no idea how you got here.
Eventually, though, someone else speaks through the loudspeaker! And appears on all the TV screens. And the joke arrival/departure screen.
Oh no. ]
Superstars! It’s me, your agent! Kiss kiss, hello hello! Sharpay, love the outfit. Sadness, lookin’ down and out as ever. You’re all looking so, uh, “on point,” as the kids say. Welcome to Los Angeles, City of Angels and Home of the Stars! Like you! Now we got a schedule to keep, so move your sorry butts out to Bel-Air to the mansion, alright? We gotta get you ready for your date with Hollywood, and she is NOT a dame you wanna keep waiting! Though of course, as we say out here, “fashionably late” is encouraged, so on second thought you know what? Go ahead and take ya time. See the sights! Grab a coffee! Listen, I got Brad Pitt on the other line here, so ciao, babes, love you all, see you at the mansion! Mwah!
[ … well. At least you know the creepy robot face of maybe your kidnapper? Maybe chat with one of the other people here about it? There’s also certainly a front door, the building is hardly locked up.
If you do decide to take your leave of the airport, which is understandable, you’ll end up on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, or at least a similarly creepy and cheap replica of it. If you look at the stars, you might recognize the names. There are plenty of places to check out, but there are no exits - the edges of the area are surrounded by false storefronts. Looks like you might be in “Los Angeles” for the long haul. ]
[ Let’s talk about your locations, though, very briefly. The only place for 24-hour food is Starslurps Cafe, they have coffee and pastries and The Worst Name, and whatever you want you can just kind of take because the barista is a cardboard cutout that just kind of says “FOR YOU, IT’S ON THE HOUSE” every time you trip a motion sensor. Fur Sure is where you can get more clothes beyond the ones on your backs, but they’re all very fancy and there are So Many fur coats. The Psychic Fax Center features an ornate seance room complete with crystal ball and tarot cards, but also there’s a very 90s fax machine collecting dust in the corner. Tattoo on You is a tattoo parlor, in case you want a souvenir? It would probably help if there was anyone to run the machines.
Superstar Studios is closed and locked up tight. Gotta wait for your cue, it looks like.
Beethoven Bowling is a pretty standard bowling alley, with automatic lanes and all the cardboardy pizza and lukewarm hot dogs you can eat. The Cobra Cabana opens at 6pm, and is a fully-stocked bar with a jungle theme. The only food they serve is chips and salsa for some reason. Laughter Shocks is a comedy club, but the only comedy playing is a 24-hour loop of bad Tim Allen stand-up. Then, finally, there’s the mansion you’re all staying at, with bedrooms enough for everyone and all kinds of over-decorated rooms. It comes with a swimming pool and its own full-size Aztec Temple in the backyard. Don’t worry about it, babe, it’s just Bel-Air living. ]
pastries and sandwiches
[A booming voice echoes across the courtyard as a large, hairy cat stomps up to Toad. Pete's been having a pretty bad day after...well, everything, so he's taking the opportunity to take his anger out on everyone. Toad seems like a particularly good target, what with his prim and proper outfit and relatively scrawny physique. (Then again, if you're Pete, everyone is comparably scrawny.)]
Youse gonna hand me those sandwiches right now or you're gonna be eatin' out of a straw for th' next month, got it?!
no subject
A straw? What could I eat out of that? [He's trying to get a good look at Pete from around the sandwich and pastry stack, completely nonplussed to the very unsubtle threat that's been thrown at him.] Wait — are you talking about a milkshake?
[Yes, clearly.]
no subject
No, I'm not talkin' about a milkshake! I'm gonna wring your neck so you won't be able to eat, dummy!
[Spit is practically flying out of his mouth and onto the food protecting Mr. Toad. Ew.]
no subject
But what else would I eat if not that? I'm in America now! And if I'm going to be in America, I want to try all the popular things Americans like!
[Which he expects this guy to help him with, because while Pete didn't offer, at the same time he's not offering not to. Sort of. Maybe a little plying would help with that...]
Here, have as much as you like! It's all free anyway.
no subject
Well, that's...one way to get things done. He may as well try and be nasty, see if that changes any attitudes. He corrects his expression to look more like a pained grin.]
Don't mind if I do!
[And he tries to snatch the whole stack of food from Mr. Toad's hands.]