OUR TOUR BEGINS HERE.

[yourghosthost]

[Eventually, no matter your reading comprehension or your sense of time, you all find your way to the stretching room. Once everyone has gathered, the ominous sounds of a clock ring throughout the chamber. The clock strikes 13 times, and the candles in the room light themselves up on their own.

Something...or someone is in the room with you. They make themselves known quickly, with a deep voice that echoes throughout the room.]

When hinges creak in doorless chambers, and strange and frightening sounds echo through the halls; Whenever candlelights flicker where the air is deathly still - that is the time when ghosts are present, practicing their terror with ghoulish delight!

Welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion. I am your host, your... ghost host. Kindly step all the way in please and make room for everyone. There's no turning back now.

[The doors close behind everyone as he speaks, leaving the group stuck in the room until he finishes talking.]

Normally, we spirits don't open our manor up to temporary guests. But desperate times have forced me to extend visitations beyond our usual tours, and residency has been extended to your select group. You shall remain here permanently, unless...

Well.

[...his tone goes slightly darker for a second, with a hint of reluctance. The candlelight dims for just a moment.]

If you end the life of one of your fellow guests without being discovered, you shall be allowed to leave.

[It takes a moment, but the lights return to their normal brightness, and his tone becomes chipper once more.]

Of course, you're more than welcome to stay in the manor as long as you like! Our spirits haven't spent time with the living for a while, so they'll be excited for the change of pace.

Comments

[terribibble]

[Today has already not been kind to Fiddleford McGucket. He's missing his ray. He's in some kind of inter-dimensional paradox space. An alien punched him and by now he's got a vivid black eye. He honestly still isn't entirely convinced he hasn't finally lost his mind entirely and fallen into some kind of horrendously vivid stress hallucination.

The booming, deep voice doesn't settle his nerves any, nor does what it says. He thought he wanted an explanation and now he's starting to feel like maybe he didn't, actually, after all.

He lets everyone else voice their concerns while he works up the nerve to do more then just kind of lean against a wall and hyperventilate. By the time he's maybe got enough courage up to make noise, their host points out the dead body hanging from the ceiling and whatever he was about to say comes out as a terrified gurgle instead.]

You -- you -- is this whole house full of folks who got murdered?

[It tracks really well, is all. People get brought here to die. More ghosts join the ranks. More stones in the graveyard.]

[amadeusrockette]

Are you okay, sir? [He doesn't look so good, and Julia is wondering if slapping him would help any. Maybe it'd help him gain clarity?] Do you need to sit?

[terribibble]

[That would be the second time he's been slapped today, and the third time he's been hit in general. This is just going to become a running theme for him, isn't it?]

Why on Earth would I be okay?

[Ughhhh. Augh. Heck. Yeah. He's just gonna... yeah. Gonna sit his ass down before he falls over. He was doing so good! He was getting his feet under him, working out a way to deal with the situation, and now the situation has changed and he's out of his depth all over again.]

[amadeusrockette]

[Look, she grew up in post-WWII Germany. She's sort of. Acutely aware how terrible people can be. She doesn't want anyone to freak out and do a murder, so she's just going to sit down next to him. Maybe if she's calm he'll also be calm???]

It's best to make peace with the dead, rather than fight or argue with them. If we're all calm and think about this sensibly, I'm sure we can work out a solution.

[terribibble]

[Okay, well, that's a sweet thought, but he's from a place where making peace with ghosts is most of the time only a thing you can do if you knew them in life. Here they're angry dead strangers and the only way to deal with them is to try and ward them off.]

A-- a solution. To bein' kidnapped and held prisoner until one of us -- one of us --

[Yeah. He'd really like a solution too, and usually he's good at coming up with them, but this is a problem he just doesn't have the tools to solve and that is freaking him right out.]

[amadeusrockette]

[. . . Yeah, ok. Slapping him is Clearly The Answer here, but that doesn't​ mean she likes it. If he's​ not going to calm down and think this through it's the only option!!!]

I'm sorry.

[SLAP.]

[terribibble]

[Frankly he thinks this is the perfectly-appropriate amount of freaking out warranted by thinking about this situation, but the fact remains he could probably use to get smacked back down onto solid ground.]

Ow--

[After all the abuse his face has undergone today it hurts more than it might otherwise. He puts a hand to his cheek, trying to rub away the sting, and that gives him enough time to take a couple proper breaths.]

I -- well. I probably deserved that.

[yourghosthost]

Some were murdered. Some were not. I like to think of our mansion as having a multiple-choice background.

[terribibble]

That -- that -- how many are there?

[Has he been walking through ghosts all day. Oh, god. No wonder this place freaks him out.]

[yourghosthost]

We have 999 happy haunts here.

But there's room for a thousand!

[terribibble]

[nnnNNOPE NOPE. NOPE.

NOPE]

You -- you're serious. About this. About all of this.

[yourghosthost]

We have room for one more. You're welcome to volunteer.

[terribibble]

Wh -- no! Absolutely not!

[That is absolutely some kind of sin and also directly against his usual goal, which is Don't Die.]

[aboyandhiscar]

[Jeezus is this guy like. Chuck's granddad or something. He elbows him some.]

Deep breaths, dude.

[terribibble]

[WHEEZE]

How is nobody else really bothered by this?

[Some people are angry, sure, but it's all pretty articulate moral outrage. Is he really the only one that's treating this as the situation it is?]

[aboyandhiscar]

It's screwed up as heck man, I get it. Don't really feel like dying, and really not into axing innocent folks off. And there are like, kids here. That's messed up!

But now's not the time to break down. More than ever, you need to have your wits up to get through this. You feel me?

[terribibble]

[Right. Wits. Don't break down.

How? How can he possibly not...]

I do but it -- it's not as easy as just turnin' it off. How'm I supposed to--?

[aboyandhiscar]

Never said to turn it off! Just deep breaths. You can freak out AND figure stuff out at the same time. S'not exactly an ideal set up!

[terribibble]

[HhhhhHHHHH okay. Okay, Mike is right. He's had to do this before, hasn't he, had to force himself to keep going under extreme circumstances just to survive? But the threat of death was never so very imminent then. He wasn't in a house full of 999 ghosts then, in some of kind of nexus between dimensions -- if he gets out, there's no guarantee he'll even be able to get home. There's just so much to contend with. How can he... how can he possibly...

Keep in control. He wrote that in his notebook this morning and he has a feeling it's going to become his mantra for however long he's stuck here.]

No. No, it's not. But I -- I mean, I'd like for people to stop smackin' me so I reckon I have to.

[kindaruledatit]

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, youngucket. Breath.

[She's concerned. Definitely concerned about him having a heart attack here, and suddenly a certain giant anime mech not existing anymore.]

It's just ghosts, y'know?

[terribibble]

[He would absolutely believe a Corduroy would slap him, and after being slapped twice today and punched once, he wants to head that off. At least between Mike and Julia he's kind of pulled himself together, though it's clear it's a very big 'kind of'.]

Just ghosts? Y'know how many ghosts 999 of them is? You could be standin' in one right now.

[kindaruledatit]

[She absolutely will, if he needs it. And possibly if he doesn't, but she wouldn't want to hit an old man too much.]

Ooor, there's one standing inside of me. Or you. Just try to keep a cool head, man, not like freaking out is gonna make it any better.

[She points over her shoulder to their host with the ghost.] Besides, the floating bedsheet over there just told me the ghosts are in the attic.

[terribibble]

That's -- that's good.

[If he's telling the truth. Fiddleford would frankly be unsurprised to find that a ghost is lying to them. That seems reasonable.]

But you have to see why it has me worried, is all.

[yourghosthost]

No, there is one ghost in the attic. There are many all around you.

[kindaruledatit]

Then what was that about a resident up there?