FIFTH TRIAL

[foolishuniversal]

[Somewhere, in an alternate universe, Jaws is dead.

How a shark managed to live this long on land is beyond anyone, and yet, they managed all the same. For though he lusted after the blood of others, it was the sharks' blood that was split on this day. Honestly, after the five tragic deaths caused by Jimmy Neutron last week, it's getting harder and harder to keep up with these things everyday.

The oversized film reel at the center of the room seems to be losing spaces for each of you. Hitchcock speaks dismissively.]

I'll hardly miss the shark. I was the voice of the 'Jaws' ride at Universal Studios. They paid me a million dollars. And I took it and I did it. I'm such a whore. I couldn't sit down and talk to the boy who did the fish movie...I couldn't even touch his hand. You might believe Spielberg to be a God, but I know him to be no such thing. Spielberg is a mass murderer, as was his beloved shark creation. To think that I ever considered him my boyfriend.

Just as Spielberg's own city was demolished, it is only fitting that his precious robotic 'Bruce' has been brought to a watery grave. Of course, that's just the beginning of this tragic episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

[He smirks. There are 13 of you left.]

Do feel free to grab yourself some popcorn before we begin.

[TRIAL START!]

Comments

[foolishuniversal]

Gosh, my Spider-Sense was tingling from the moment I saw the way they crushed him! His entire midsection was practically crushed!

[foolishuniversal]

Don't gotta tell everybody 'bout your erection, Pete.

[foolishuniversal]

That's not what I meant and you know it, Joker!

[foolishuniversal]

Negative. He is referring to his heightened senses.

[foolishuniversal]

Oh, boy! I can't wait to spend this quality time with all of you! Solving murders, just like friends do!

[foolishuniversal]

...How's nobody killed this guy off, yet? You people killed freakin' Curious George but you couldn't kill the dinosaur?

[foolishuniversal]

Seconded.

[foolishuniversal]

E...vidence...?

[Read: Speaking human words is still hard but did anyone find anything of note or are they just going to bicker all day?]

[foolishuniversal]

Whaaat? Deep tokas pen nunu oizuz?

[foolishuniversal]

[nobody cares minion oh my god]

[foolishuniversal]

Well the Krusty Burger is clean! With how much I've been working there this week I would have noticed something off.

[He is under no obligation to work there.]

[foolishuniversal]

Clean except for the scum who once owned it, mind you.

...Yes, I do suppose I found the Twister Soundstage spotless as well, as well as The Skull Island set.

[foolishuniversal]

The shark was crushed down the midsection, almost as if a large weight as set upon him. Additionally, his teeth were covered in blood at the time of death. Cutting it open revealed a few different things: a license plate, The Cat in The Hat's hat, and a wand.

[foolishuniversal]

...oh, don't even look upon me, wretched beings.

[foolishuniversal]

How's this for evidence?

[grabs at his crotch]

VOTING

[foolishuniversal]

...Well. In any case, it seems you all agree that the Terminator was the culprit. Shall we vote then?

[foolishuniversal]

>TERMINATOR

[foolishuniversal]

>TERMINATOR

[foolishuniversal]

>TERMINATOR

[foolishuniversal]

>TERMINATOR

[foolishuniversal]

>TERMINATOR :)

MASS EXECUTION: When Good Men Do Nothing

[foolishuniversal]

...Is that everyone?

[Hitchcock looks around at the group, eyes betraying nothing. The voice, however, seems quieter than normal.]

Half of the participants have abstained from voting. I must tell you, if you abstain from voting, it automatically counts as a vote for yourself.

I urge you all who have not yet voted, to-

[A bell sounds. That same strange bell tone, three times.

Hitchcock’s pinprick eyes widen with some surprise.]

Wait...what is--

[Everyone but Barney will suddenly feel themselves restrained. And Hitchcock.]

.......

I see.

You did not identify the correct culprit.

[No matter how they struggle, the Titled cannot break free. The invisible force which holds them has them fast.

And whatever force it is, will start with Doc Brown. Throat slitting.

A nod to the true culprit by starting with him, perhaps?]

...I'm sorry, everyone.

[Hitchcock can only watch.

You can only watch, as, one by one, the throats of everyone else abruptly burst open, fluid running from your jugular, and their heads hang limp before being dropped to the floor.

The rest of the Titled only have a few second to react, before they too are dead.

But only a few.

Goodbye.]

[foolishuniversal]

[Once everyone else, save Hitchcock and Barney have been dealt with, there is silence. Hitchcock looks down at the mess of bodies, expression - as always - unknown.

Above them the doors open.]

Congratulations...Barney.

You may leave the Depths.

[foolishuniversal]

[well

at least someone got what they wanted]

[foolishuniversal]

[Swiss fuckin cheese tbh]