FIFTH TRIAL

[foolishuniversal]

[Somewhere, in an alternate universe, Jaws is dead.

How a shark managed to live this long on land is beyond anyone, and yet, they managed all the same. For though he lusted after the blood of others, it was the sharks' blood that was split on this day. Honestly, after the five tragic deaths caused by Jimmy Neutron last week, it's getting harder and harder to keep up with these things everyday.

The oversized film reel at the center of the room seems to be losing spaces for each of you. Hitchcock speaks dismissively.]

I'll hardly miss the shark. I was the voice of the 'Jaws' ride at Universal Studios. They paid me a million dollars. And I took it and I did it. I'm such a whore. I couldn't sit down and talk to the boy who did the fish movie...I couldn't even touch his hand. You might believe Spielberg to be a God, but I know him to be no such thing. Spielberg is a mass murderer, as was his beloved shark creation. To think that I ever considered him my boyfriend.

Just as Spielberg's own city was demolished, it is only fitting that his precious robotic 'Bruce' has been brought to a watery grave. Of course, that's just the beginning of this tragic episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

[He smirks. There are 13 of you left.]

Do feel free to grab yourself some popcorn before we begin.

[TRIAL START!]

Comments

[foolishuniversal]

If you suggest "hugging it out" one more time, dinosaur, I will remove you from this Earth with a cannonball.

Sometimes, I miss Bart...

[foolishuniversal]

Gosh, Bob! Sounds like you sure have it out for me!

[foolishuniversal]

OF COURSE I DO, YOU LITTLE PEABRAINED SON OF A-

[he reaches for barney, and is hit in the face by a rake.]

[foolishuniversal]

[barney laughs and does a stupid dance]

[foolishuniversal]

Trials are not appropriate for dancing.

[foolishuniversal]

...is there a reason that keeps happening to you?

[foolishuniversal]

It appears that even in the world of terribly-written murder rituals, rakes still plague me.

[foolishuniversal]

Rakes are not a dangerous weapon.

[foolishuniversal]

Someone must be oranking you from across the space-time continuum! Perhaps Biff.

[foolishuniversal]

Or...

[an idea hits him,]

I KNOW YOU CAN’T BE DEAD, BART! SHOW YOURSELF! YOU’RE JUST HIDING FROM ME!

[foolishuniversal]

...oh no.

[foolishuniversal]

HE’S DEAD, HOTSHOT!

[foolishuniversal]

Didn’ we already have that Trial?

[foolishuniversal]

Yeah. Optimus Prime Michael Bay’d the shit out of him.

[foolishuniversal]

Watch it, you two.

[foolishuniversal]

Not my fault ol’ Bobby here can’t get over the fact his little shitkid’s dead!

[foolishuniversal]

He's not dead, he's just hiding!

[foolishuniversal]

Hide and seek can be lots of fun!

[foolishuniversal]

Negative. Hide and seek is not fun.