FIRST TRIAL

[imthetrashman]

Alright, everyone! You’ve had your fun - meet in my famous Swackhammer Trash Castle(c) for the next phase of this murder thing ASAP!

[...okay, we’re going to the trash castle. The trash drawbridge lowers, allowing you access.

Inside the trash castle is what appears to be...a basketball stadium, albeit one made out of trash. In the center of the court are around 26 podiums - each with a name enscribed on them. There are also bleachers available should you need alternative seating arrangements. There are also a large number of basketballs in the area, and two of the podiums are literally on fire - Boss Baby’s and Zhu Li Moon’s.

There’s also a stand selling overpriced hot dogs and beer. King Dice is running it.

Mr. Swackhammer has his own little box high above the basketball court, and observes with intrigue.]

You all get a fair chance to figure out who committed the murder! Once you’re ready to pin it on someone, you have to say that person’s name and sink a basket - nah, I’m just kidding. You write it down. Majority rules, and your participation is mandatory! Don’t vote, you’re dead! Vote wrong and you’re dead! Have fun!

Comments

[essentiallyinvisible]

[Staying far away from the fire]

I found Zhu Li's notebook in her room. So she probably wasn't investigating anything when...that happened.

[toogoodtobetrue]

So...she was just going around, and someone came and attacked her? That's cowardly!

[in4apounding]

If anyone actually did this for that stupid bus, I'm punching their face off. ...Metaphorically. Probably.

[thegreateggscape]

[Why did someone go for the bus.]

[treefetish]

[just. wonders if even asking is a good idea.

decides knowlege is power. asks anyway.]

Uh. What exactly are we doing right now?

[toogoodtobetrue]

...I guess we'll have to be detectives, if we don't want to die.

[And Coraline has no idea where to start]

[codeofhero]

We seem to be forced to figure out who murdered Zhu li.

[standsforrevenge]

[guess who slept through the investigation and is still half-asleep?]

Wait. Who's dead now?

[They're all doomed]

[thegreateggscape]

[Oh, this is horrid.

Not only was another person dead, but...well, she was surrounded by trash. Something's on fire. This whole situation seemed hell-bent on not being taken seriously.

With a resigned determination to get this whole thing over with, Ginger pulls herself up onto the podium.]

What happens once we've found the culprit?

[candymancan]

Oh, I'm sure they'll get treated fairly by the court of trash law.

[oh_worm]

So... I looked at the body! That's how my morning went.

[ Beth contemplates setting her hot dog down on her podium, decides against it. ]

Her only injuries seemed to be from the burns, no... stabs or whatever. She was holding a piece of metal in her hand, and she was wearing... well, she was wearing basketball shoes and a uh. A poop hat. She was wearing a hat shaped like poop. But it didn't have much oil on it, so I... don't think she was wearing it when she got uh... you know.

[ Dunked on. ]

[candymancan]

So what you're suggesting is, someone killed her and then put a hat on her head. A hat made to look like shit.

Why am I not surprised.

[Wonka acting like that's not the same sort of stupid petty shit he would do]

[studentbody]

[Cleo is here, wearing a heart eyes emoji hat and eating an overpriced hot dog. She leans across her podium, remembering something relevant.]

Oh, the poop hat was missing from the store. And so were some shirts, and, uh...a snowglobe thing, I think?

[candymancan]

[Wonka's here, looking bored out of his mind.]

The sooner we get this done, the sooner I can get back to harassing the dice man for not being at his casino. [Waves at the hot dog stand]

Her face was stuffed into a pot of cooking oil that had been boiling at the time. Going out on a limb here, but that was probably the cause of death.

I also found some other interesting things on the counter and stove.

[essentiallyinvisible]

[Oh god. She's glad she avoided the body touching.]

Interesting how?

[bringmecontracts]

[Flips Wonka off while drinking a mug of beer.]

[codeofhero]

I also looked at the body of the victim.

["The victim" makes it a little better. But only a little.]

She had been face down in a pot of oil, with a shirt fried to her face by the oils. If I were to guess... someone may have attempted to strangle her with it.

[...]

Oh, there was a broken snowglobe on the floor nearby, as well.

[themightybeetle]

A broken what?

[candymancan]

Ooooh. Fun!

I was under the impression that the killer might have been cooking, got startled, thought Zhu Li was trying to attack, and impulsively shoved her face into the oil. But the shirt makes things more complex.

If they were trying to strangle her first, that makes it less likely it was a completely spur of the moment kill.

hair check r2

[candymancan]

[So Wonka's been zoning out for like an hour staring at this burned hair trying to figure out if it's human hair or fur.

Finally, the answer hits him like a sack of bricks, almost like a moderator came by and whispered the answer into his ear after some deliberation.]

I believe we'll need a revised hair check. This time, no one that has hair or feathers or scales or... metallic skin. Just fur.

[in4apounding]

[Penny opens her mouth for just a second before reconsidering.]

...That's not very many of us, is it?

[shoshtupid]

[Alright, have a look. His hair is fairly short and covers most of his body, so it's not like doing a fur check would be hard.

Although his fur is thick enough that it'd be hard to tell if any is missing... ]

[shoshtupid]

You guys don't even know the whole story! "Oh, how could anyone do this?" "Someone must have tried to strangle her-"

I was just minding my own business, making myself a snack, and she was sneaking in with a piece of metal! What the hell was I supposed to do?

[in4apounding]

NOT shove her head into a pot of boiling oil?! Run away if you thought there was trouble? There's a LOT of options between nothing and killing someone!

[Like on a scale of one to ten you jumped straight to nineteen or so, man.]

[She trusted you. For some reason.]

voting

[imthetrashman]

WHATEVER! Everybody write the name of who ya think the killer is on the slip of gross old cardboard on your podium! You’ll notice I’ve graciously provided you with free Space Jam-themed markers with which to do so!

[There sure are Space Jam- themed markers on each of the podiums.]

[shoshtupid]

[ Welp, Wabuu gonna die the way Wabuu lived. ]

Ginger

The Space and the Jam

[imthetrashman]

Alright, now that I’m done nappin’ for ten hours, let’s start the punishment you’re so desperate to see!

[Wabuu vanishes and appears ‘inside of a baby basket at the end of the basketball court. He tries to get up, but he finds that his hands are cuffed to the inside of the basket. Before he has any time to question what’s going on, two smoke figures walk on stage, dressed as nuns… well, more actually they seem to be bouncing on stage, they move strangely like Wabuu, and it’s almost unsettling.

When they look at Wabuu they “scream” in horror, their heads growing and shrinking as they do so, and it’s cut off suddenly. They then begin to talk.]

“Holy Mary! I don’t know much about children, but. I am sure. That it’s a sin to look upon this. Child.”

“This my dear sister isn’t a child it’s a misshapen ape!”

“It is horror to behold. It can’t be Christain! It should be tttttthrown in. To the fire. I’m sure ”

“Right you are my sister. It belongs in a great big fiyyyaaaa yee”

[As if to show her point, a raging inferno appears where the basketball hoop once was.

Then another smoke person bounces on stage, this one dressed as a priest.]

“What are you so exciteeeed about? Make way,”

[He then looks at Wabuu and picks up the basket.]

“Mmmmmmm. I think I will adopt it and take it with meeeee”

[He then looks over at the fire.]

“This child must be baptized and be given a name. III’ll call him… dead”

[Before “Frollo” tosses him into the fire, Wabuu rolls his eyes.]

This execution is so stupid!

[And then, the “Frollo” tosses him into the fire. Wabuu let’s out an almost fake sounding scream in pain as he burns to death. The inferno dies down, leaving nothing but a pile of ash.

The priest and nuns stand there, laughing silently as they look on.]

[imthetrashman]

What? You want me to do a song and dance or something? Leave before I get tired of ya!