foolishmortals | Forget all your troubles

[You wake up and instantly realize something is wrong.

There is a vague feeling of dread hanging in the air and, as comfortable as this bed is, there’s just something off about everything, even before you open your eyes. The dread only grows when you open your eyes and realize that you are in a completely unfamiliar room. One that has clearly seen better days at that.

As you explore your room, you will soon find a bedroom key resting on the dresser along with a note]

Welcome, esteemed guest, to our humble abode. We hope that you enjoy your stay in this Phantom Manor, as we expect you to stay with us for a very long time.

Feel free to make yourself at home as you enjoy what this manor has to offer, whether it’s the library, our projection room, or our famous wax museum. We’re sure you will find great joy

However, before you can get too comfortable, we ask you to please come to the portrait gallery at noon so we can discuss your stay here.

We eagerly await to meet you.

-Your Host

[The uncomfortable feeling doesn’t let up as you leave the safety of your bedroom. The manor seems old and decrepit, almost like it would fall over at the slightest breeze. Despite that, anyone who tries to escape will soon realize that the walls are unusually sturdy, and there are no doors that would seemingly lead to the outside world.

Still, at least you’re not alone in this scenario, if the other bedroom doors are any indications. Maybe there are a few more people coming out of their bedrooms too, so you have someone to talk toif you want to try to figure out what's going on. But if the 30 bios in the foyer hall are any indication, whoever has you here did not do this on accident. Whatever you’re here for, it seems like you’re here for a reason.

But hey, what’s the use of being pessimistic about this? Maybe it’s all an innocent situation… right?]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[thats....valid-]

Ha!

[He takes out a notepad and starts writing down a recipe off the top of his head. It's a great struggle for a slow writer, with some mismatched caps here and there. Slowly but surely there's a list of ingredients ready. Here it is, in its legible glory.

'Think this is enough? Hopefully this kitchen has everything we need.']

[He inspects the list, squinting. Oh dear. This was quite a struggle to read, especially since Louis's reading comprehension was about the same as a 1st grader.]

Hmmm....not sure what's so special about granulated sugar versus regular sugar, but sounds like we got most everythin'! Whaddya need me to do?

Aaa.

[Lekmet points to fairly huge sacks of flour and sugar for Louis to bring, while he himself offers to get the rest of the list from the pantry.

~~There's probably a gigantic sack of chocolate chip chunks behind the sugar as well~~

'I'll be back in a few!' he bleats]

[So. Louis goes to grab those sacks of flour and sugar when he spots those glorious chocolate chips. He casts a glance over his shoulder before shoving the bag under his arm and taking the flour and sugar. He places the ingredients on the counter, making sure to wedge the bag of chocolate chips between the sugar and the flour. Yes. The perfect crime.]

How many brownies are we makin', anyways?

[He had been busy setting up and preheating the oven, so the crime goes unnoticed-

He glances at the list of ingredients, then adjusts the numbers with the number of guests in mind. It was probably enough to feed the whole- house? manor?]

Aaa-aa.

['A whole lot!']

Just the amount I was lookin' for.

[He glances at the recipe Lekmet has written down and pours out the amount of sugar and flour necessary. After a thought, he doubles it.]

Hey, just to let ya know, I'm doublin' the recipe. Just in case, y'know.

[In case a gator decides to eat half of them. He continues to prep the ingredients and, when he thinks Lekmet isn't looking, dumps about a cup of chocolate chips into the bowl.]

['Oh that's genius! We can make it last longer too!'

He may not like sweet things as much, but boy will the goat eat almost anything at terrifying amounts.

He fiddles with the oven again, totally oblivious to the crime.

Some thief had taken the electronic mixer, but it's no big deal. Lekmet tossed in and combined the rest of the ingredients, Still not noticing.]

[He stirs the mixture vigorously--he's seen Tiana do this before. If there was one thing he remembered he saying, it was that, unlike other pastries, mixing brownies more meant it would be tastier. Something about the fudge in the center.

He dips a forbidden claw into the mixture and tastes it. Whew, that's a lot of chocolate.]

Hey, I think these are ready to go into the oven! Uh...do we have a pan anywhere?

[If he were Arrow he might've said something along the lines of wash your claws/hooves/hands.

Luckily, he doesn't mind ~~and who says they're going to share these goods with the rest of the guests anyway shhh.~~

'Let me check'

And there he goes again- maybe third time's the charm he'd notice.]

[Louis is going to ever-so-casually throw a kitchen towel over the bowl he was mixing with--y'know, to make it rise, not at ALL to hide his crimes. Quick Louis, think--casual conversation.]

...So....where do goat...bat...monsters live, anyways?

[He notices the towel of course, but is unsure of what it does. To keep flies away, maybe? Ooh- a question!

'We monsters live pretty much anywhere. There's only one of me, though.

I live in the Crystal Dimension. It's basically jail where prisoners are crystallized in stasis- I guess I am sort of its warden?'

Lekmet what the fuck.]

So, if I'm hearin' this right, you're a...goat cop?

[Sounds legit. Louis bends down to fish a square pan from out of the cabinets. He places it on the counter-top and lifts the towel just enough so that the batter can pour out into the pan.]

Uh...what sorta prisoners do you keep?

Hmmm. When you put it that way.

But no, my colleague does the arresting, and I step in if he accidentally arrests a Princess and her Friend.

Prisoners depend. There was one about to unleash a black hole. Another was a pizza guy I never noticed was trapped unfairly- He was freed eventually.

[He's a lawful good person with communication issues, honestly. And once the batter was set, he places the pan in the oven which was ready to go. Cue a beat.]

Did...Did we put the right amounts?

[help this poor goat]

Oh. Uh. That's...unfortunate? I think your prison might benefit from a few more staff members, or maybe a few more routine checks. But, hey, I'm not a prison warden, so what do I know.

[Louis blinks.]

Uh, absolutely. I'm pretty sure! We'll, we'll find out once it cooks anyways, right? I'm sure it's fine.

[His tail twitches back and forth from nervousness, accidentally knocking over the bag of flour on the counter. Whoops. Now there's flour spilling out onto the ground.]

Ah, jeez! Oh, no....

We were due for an improvement of sorts, but then--

[Maybe he's spilled too much about High Commission business. Glossaryck did create Lekmet not to talk about certain aspects of his duties.]

Anyway. It's fine, the crystals are practically inescapable-- Oh shit-

[LEKMET YOUR LANGAUGE]

-I can clean that up, no problem!

Forget all your troubles

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

casually changes the format a little-

👌👌👌

no subject