foolishmortals

Entry tags:

nondisney,
week 3

WEEK 3

[Well finally deaths are starting to happen in this hell park, and for the amount of shitposting this round is, I'll admit I'm pleasently surprised to see how determined people are to make sure this doesn't happen again.

... Not that it'll matter of course, but it's the thought that counts.

Still, once you wake up on Saturday, you'll find that a new land has opened up! It... sure is a new land, at least?]

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But, you literally just-- [oh

OH

OH FUCKING GREAT]

Are you seriously going to start with the whole "toon" thing yourself just because you're dating Dan? Because it's really only cute when you do it together. [AND TRUST HER IT'S DEFINITELY CUTE THEN AND SHE SUPPORTS IT WHOLLY]

Nooo, I really don't know what you're talking about. At all.

[Audrey coming in with the Dan x Wonka IC support]

But as for the "toon" thing, I'm not doing anything specifically because of Daniel. You've only known me for three weeks. You have no idea what I'm like.

[Ominous.]

I mean, no, you're definitely the type of person to torture everyone with the endless wailing of the infant we all just saw get horrifically murdered? [like that's just obvious] It's just the "making a gag of it" part... But, maybe that's just something you two have in common! You're supposed to have things in common when you're dating. [or so she has read]

Hey, what do you know! You have learned a few things about me. Imagine that.

[I can't believe ur making this damned relationship sound valid]

... If it helps you sleep at night, the babies crying you may or may not be hearing and that has nothing to do with any buttons, isn't the crying of the baby we saw punted into the moon. It's a different baby.

[Wonka can only take pity on someone a finite number of times in the nondisney round and Audrey just used up one of them.]

I'm trying to, but a lot of you guys make it hard...

[considers this...] It still reminds me of him. I don't really know any other babies... But, I think it might help. Thank you.

Some people don't like having their lives pried into by complete strangers who are supposed to murder each other? Imagine that.

I'm not gonna murder anybody. [she says, pointedly not including him] I mean, I don't really see why people wouldn't, even with the murder part... It's scary, but it's also really cool, right? I'm really glad I'm here!

... No, that sounds weird, I'm sorry. I've just never met new people before.

You've also been living in what sounds like a dystopia for your entire life, so your feelings on the matter are a little skewed.

[Wonka hasn't forgotten the radioactive rivers comment or the ones about trees, and he's paid attention to a few of her other conversations about whatever the Fuck is going on where she's from.]

... [brain visibly grinding to a halt.

ugh but admitting she doesn't know things has been really hard because she's so used to being the nerd who knows shit people don't care about.

but she's also still a nerd who wants to know shit.

life is so hard.]

"Dystopia?"

Hm? Oh, it means that whatever place you come from is absurdly messed up and probably corrupt. Seems to have something to do with the trees, from what I've heard you mention.

[You probably don't want Wonka explaining this he's still a capitalist at heart]

... Well, I mean, yeah, Thneedville is a little... But, it's not all bad! And we're going to make it better! We'll get rid of the air factories-- I mean, once we don't need them... And the surveillance cameras... We'll probably want to take those down...

Yeah, no, you're right, it's super messed up.

Mhmm. I suppose you have one very good thing to be happy about in this place- you're no longer stuck there.

... I kinda am, though. That's weird, right? I mean, if there was literally even one tree here, I would never leave.

Not too weird, given your circumstances.

...Mmmmmaybe try to find other places with trees before agreeing to settle for the literal trash planet. Believe me- there's plenty of universes with them out there.

Oh, yeah, definitely! So far, I'm pretty in love with Beth and Fizzy's worlds. I mean, Beth has an entire universe of plants that do amazing and unrealistic things, but Fizzy's is called Dream Valley. A place like that can't be anything less than amazing.

[SHE HAS VERY STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT THIS AND DEBATES IT CONSTANTLY IN HER HEAD]

Well, for all you know, the place is full of murder and despair, and the name is misleading to lure naive people in. Like a Venus Flytrap for- wait, do you know what a Venus Flytrap is?

[shakes head]

A Venus Flytrap is a type of plant that attracts flies and other insects- don't ask me why or how, I'm not a botanist, but it's probably some sort of pheromone thing- and when the insects land on the plant, it snaps closed on them. The plant consumes whatever insect landed on it for food and energy. There's a few other plants like it.

Anyway what I'm saying is the pony's mystical wonderful universe may be a Venus Flytrap for gullible people.

[so while he's speaking she suddenly gets very very quiet and very very still. like it's not even entirely obvious she's still breathing. just staring with the widest eyes ever.

and she just says with a tone of complete awe:] I love it. It's so... so strange and interesting! I didn't even know plants like that existed!

Mhmm. They're not the norm- most plants aren't carnivorous, and instead get energy from sunlight. But they are interesting.

Oh, I know all about photosynthesis! [this is not entirely accurate] But, gosh...

[trails off...]

Have they ever eaten a person?

Not as far as I'm aware, at least not where I come from. Most of them are small- the reason they eat flies and insects is because those are small enough to land inside them or on top of them. I believe Pitcher Plants are capable of consuming mice and other small rodents, maybe a bird if the bird is a particularly unlucky one. But that's about as big as it goes.

[CONSIDERS...]

I'd like to find one and bring it home with me, now that I know about them, but I don't think I could take care of it. It'll take ages for the insects to come back at all, let alone enough to feed it. [so why ask about people]

Oh well, even seeing one would be really cool! I hope I can, someday.

... Were you planning to feed human beings to it in the meantime.

[crowdfund my Little Shop of Horrors Lorax AU starring Audrey as Seymour, the onceler as Twoey, that kid from the Lorax as Audr- hey wait a minute]

[long pause]

Not alive people.

[wink wonk]

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candymancan - 2018-06-18 06:31 (UTC) - Expand

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treefetish - 2018-06-18 06:42 (UTC) - Expand

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