Third Investigation

[grimgrinningghosts]

[So poll time!

Would anyone here actually want to kill someone for a bag of cheetos?

... I mean I am personally suspicious of everyone

Still, once again there are no dead bodies when you first wake up, at least!

But hey, you got nothing better to do, why not investigate!]

Comments

I’m just gonna put a “gross nsfw” warning here

[grimgrinningghosts]

[I support you, Wonka

The first one reads:

Dear Otis,

Hey! We’ve probabblllyyy not like, spent enough time together for this letter to have anything resembling actual emotional meaning. But we’ve done the horizontal tango, and the vertical tango, and the on-the-bed tango, and the behind the basketball court at 4 am tango, so...I dunno, maybe I feel comfortable laying down some emotional piping? Just as you laid your pipes down on me. Ey!

Listen, I know you don’t get along with a lot of people. That’s just the way of things, man. But...I need you to be okay with some people, sometimes, for everyone else’s sake. I mean, Bojack’s basically like, my dad. I’d be totally devastated if anything ever happened to him.

Maybe you and Dan should fight a little less. I dunno. I’m probably dead if you’re reading this so I can’t offer you like, more sex as an incentive. Sorry about that.

I hope you do okay.

- Sarah Lynn]

[candymancan]

[This would almost be sweet if it weren't for the fact that it's about her fucking a cow man

what's the other letter got to say?]

[grimgrinningghosts]

[The next one is better at least:

Dear Bojack,

“Sarah Lynn’s funeral”.

Your bio says it right there. I know you’re not the best at telling people things like...ever, but I think that bit is a liiiiitttllleee important. Teensy tiny bit. I thought about that for a while, largely while smoking out of Bender’s skull. Maybe it’s some kind of alternate universe thing, maybe it’s some kind of timeline dealio, maybe it’s just a sign.

But I want to get clean for you.

Or well, clean again. I’ve been pretty bad on that front since we got here. But...you’ve been the only constant in my life. The only one who’s actually shown any sort of marginal interest in my self-improvement. Well, in the way of actually cleaning up my act, I think. My stepfather had interest in me improving the ways I make him money and things that make me cry if I try to recall them.

Either way, Bojack, we need to be better. You need to be better, and so do I. Don’t you have that unicorn chick to worry about? Don’t you have yourself to worry about?

...don’t you have me to worry about?

I love you.

- Sarah Lynn]