THIRD TRIAL

[imthetrashman]

[You guys are going kind of fast, huh?

There’s a banner up above the basketball court now that reads “GO MONSTARS - SMOKE EM OUT!”, in addition to the usual podium meddling. Aquaman’s podium has been replaced by a white piece of paper that reads “OUTRAGEOUS”. Bojack’s podium has been replaced by a full DVD boxset of The Bojack Horseman Show, while Sarah Lynn’s podium is now the rest of Bender’s body.

King Dice’s stand is now selling Cheetos. Go figure.]

C’mon, folks! Get to it!

Comments

[dothebackslide]

PENNY, BUDDY!

[His arm shoots across the room to noogie her before snapping back to him.]

YOU'RE ACTING LIKE YOU'VE SEEN A GHOST!

[in4apounding]

[Okay, she actually flinches a little at the arm because OH BOY KING DICE FLASHBACKS.]

That's- ...Mister Backslide, please, THIS ISN'T FUNNY.

[dothebackslide]

UH, I'M PRETTY SURE IT IS! IF IT WASN'T, I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO ANY THIS!

[in4apounding]

IT'S NOT THOUGH! PEOPLE ARE DEAD, AND-

[And he's responsible for two of them and soon they'll have to vote to send him to join them.]

Please, I know you're just trying to help, to- make people laugh or whatever, but SOME THINGS JUST CAN'T BE JOKES.

[dothebackslide]

THEY HAVE TO BE JOKES. [Oh shit he's right in front of her.]

YOU CAN’T TRUST ANYTHING SERIOUS, PENNY. HUMOR, THAT’S HONEST! YOU CAN SEE EVERY STRING! EVERY JOKE, EVERY PUNCHLINE, CLEAR AS DAY!

SERIOUS? ALL TANGLED UP WITH LIES AND TRICKS.

[in4apounding]

But NOTHING'S one-hundred percent serious or jokes all the time!

[Dear lord he's been taking this harder than she thought.]

And- and things ARE way too serious right now, I agree! But it's THEIR fault-

[Pointing at Swackhammer and King Dice.]

-not any of ours! They're the ones making this all about killing, and murder, and- and capitalism! And you can't make something serious be not-serious by doing something as serious as killing someone! That just makes the seriousness even more serious!

[dothebackslide]

Ohhhhh you'd be surprised how much doesn't seem serious with the right ingredients.

[themightybeetle]

But...what you think is funny isn't the same as other people think is funny. Like how Monkey found a lot of what I did really annoying, but how Kubo thought it was fun!

[dothebackslide]

WHAT CAN I SAY!

EVERYTHING GETS FUNNY WHEN YOU'RE STONED OUT OF YOUR MIND!

[themightybeetle]

So because it was funny to her...you could kill her?!

[dothebackslide]

...I MEAN, PROBABLY? MAN, YOU GUYS ARE REALLY FOCUSING ON THE SINGULAR STONING HERE.

[themightybeetle]

But- was Bojack stoned, too?

[in4apounding]

...So you were smoking that stuff with her and things got out of hand.

[YOUR MURDER IS A DRUG PSA, DAN BACKSLIDE, FOR SHAME]

[dothebackslide]

AND BOJACK WAS JUST SUCH A DOWNER ON THE PARTY. CAME IN ON A REALLY AWKWARD MOMENT.

[in4apounding]

...I see.

[So that's even worse, then. Okay.]

...I have one question.

[dothebackslide]

WHAT'S UP KIDDO.

[in4apounding]

Why was the blood between the gym and basketball court so sticky?

[dothebackslide]

OH, UH, WELL ACTUALLY I CAN EXPLAIN THAT.

[He pulls out a book on horse biology and throws it at Penny.]

[in4apounding]

Uh-

[Did he just have this or-]

[She starts flipping through it, but then pauses for a second.]

...it's a joke about glue, isn't it.

[dothebackslide]

OH, FUN!

BUT NO ACTUALLY, APPARENTLY HORSE BLOOD IS LIKE. NATURALLY THICKER AND STICKIER THAN HUMAN BLOOD?? ONE HUNDRED PERCENT TRUE, I DID RESEARCH ON IT AFTERWARDS. WEIRD STUFF!

[in4apounding]

Oh. That is weird.

[Like, even relative to the rest of this nonsense?]