Mock Gaiden Trial

[superstarlineup]

[After everyone has finished investigating the horrendous death of a poor dog (and also a couple of disasters who somehow gotten themselves killed, everyone will hear a loud click from the direction of Superstar Studios. A few moments later, the Agent’s voice is heard.]

Ok that’s enough rehearsal there! Time for the show! Everyone break a leg okay?

[As everyone enters the Studio, the first thing that hits them is the blinding lights, making it impossible to see anything for the first few moments.

Once their eyes adjust, they’ll realize that they are definitely in a really tacky movie studios. There are some cheap cardboard cutouts of monsters and city skylines, cameras that look pretty out of date, and the whole place looks like it was built on a shoestring budget.

In the middle of the studio there are rows of directors chairs for every guest that woke up here, with Rod, Ghost Host, and Stan’s chairs just knocked over. In front of them stands the Agent, grinning in an extremely uncanny way.]

I’m impressed! Three bodies is impressive after that first week of nothin’! I’m gonna make sure that culprit gets an extra special reward if they manage to get away with it.

[A small pause, then:]

Okay, my shining stars. You all have to figure out who killed your fellow actors so they don’t get away with it! If they do, they get their reward while everyone else will be punished instead.

There’s no set time limit, but make sure you don’t make it borin’. The cameras are rolling and I ain’t going to let the people watch another boring average reality show!

Comments

[awardnothawk]

And what exactly is your "plan"?

[She doesn't make the air quotes, but she sure does enunciate them.]

[spacejacket]

I have a machine above this place broadcasting all of this directly into the brains of everyone on Earth. All of your negative emotions and your confusion will do wonders for keeping them from dreaming.

[awardnothawk]

I'm going to regret asking this, I can already tell, but why would you want to do that?

[spacejacket]

Because humanity is cynical and barbaric and destructive. If I feed it, he'll realize it too, before it's too late.

[ he sighs ]

Oh, this is going to be a pain to explain again to you all every week.

[awardnothawk]

Right. So you're going to keep us here indefinitely, in an impossible number of configurations of murder, because you think keeping humanity from dreaming will keep them from being terrible.

[A beat.]

You're an idiot.

[orwellgirl]

This is not how you move past a breakup, you know.

[awardnothawk]

I can't believe I have to agree with you about something.

[dannydorito]

...literal dreaming or the wishy-washy fairytale metaphorical dreaming.

[spacejacket]

Hoping. That horrible... Newton girl is out there giving them false hope.

1/2

[dannydorito]

...

[dannydorito]

AHAHAHAHA-!

[And we're back to the cackling.]

That is HILARIOUS, I love it! Tell you what, Doc, get me outta this stupid skinsuit, and I will fuck up this world's hope in ways you wouldn't BELIEVE.

[orwellgirl]

Wow, didn't realize you'd kneel before someone so easy. How do those boots taste?

[dannydorito]

This isn't kneeling, this is just business, Horns.

[orwellgirl]

"Ooh, look at me, I think I'm immortal and I'm gagging for some nerd in a suit to tell me what to do."

Guess who that impression was of. Guess. Because it's you.

[dannydorito]

What can I say? Suckers in bad suits get shit done. I play the long game.