SURVIVORPOOL INVESTIGATION

[grimgrinningghosts]

[Well! You’ve been offered a way out by the god of death. That in and of itself seems relatively suspicious, but, you don’t have much else to do at this point. Some of you might be craving the sweet release of death at this point.

Randall’s room has been unlocked, courtesy of Facilier, and the door within is wide open. So, what are you going to do? D-danger lurks behind you, there may be a stranger out to find you.

I’d suggest you get moving.]

Comments

[memotome]

Speaking of which, look! Those lions are protecting that sleeping zebra. I think I can see Simba from here.

[there are no lions or zevras]

Do you know why it’s so hard to eat zebra? You keep getting white meat – dark meat – white meat – dark meat.

By the way, you know how to tell the difference between the male and female zebras? The males have black and white stripes and the females have white and black stripes.

[hasit]

[he gets. one singular, dry laugh. Heh.]

[memotome]

Okay, now you see that airplane?

[points over at an empty pool of soul water, where a bunch of souls writhe about in agony.]

That is the actual back half of the airplane used in the classic movie, "Casablanca." What it has to do with the world famous Jungle Cruise, I have no idea. But if you'd like to see the front half of the plane, you can see it at Great Movie Ri- oh wait.

[hades deadpans at the camera.]

[notreadyatall]

[just. whispering to whoever's next to him.]

Heavily considerin' throwin myself over the side of the boat.

[kickbuttseatnuts]

Oh, let him have his fun. Its better than some grim, nefarious thing with lots of dramatic music.

[notreadyatall]

It's all bullshit. He's tryin' to butter us up, I know his tricks.

[kickbuttseatnuts]

Allllso probably that. [Its like it suddenly occurs to her "oh yeah, hell."]

...I don't see any traps yet in this area, at least.

[athleticallyinclined]

[ Gaston whispers urgently to Leia, but it's loud enough that anyone can hear. ]

I don't see any of the things he's pointing to!

[hasit]

[oh

huh.]

Really? That's strange, Gaston. Perhaps you need your vision checked.

[athleticallyinclined]

[ He frowns in concern. ]

Hmm.

[ That can't be right...He peers over the side again, then shouts in delight. ]

Aha! Yes! There it is!

[ there's nothing there ]

[hasit]

[She watches him, and her face does a weird thing.

Like, hmm, like maybe she's trying to fight back laughter.]

Oh! You see it, too? The mural of the Beast punching you in the throat?

[angelgoatdemon]

Look! It's his dignity!

[Points at fucking nothing]

[lovelylilmouse]

Because there's nothing there, idiot.

[is that really going to be the first thing she says this entire boat ride. it sure is!]

[memotome]

Hey Min, do you know where we are now? This is the Nile river, which is the longest river in the world. I think that it must have something to do with how it was named, because it just keeps going on for niles and niles and niles.

[lovelylilmouse]

[...well! at least that causes her to giggle. Thanks, Hades!]

[bayoublues]

[RAISES HAND]

Are there any invisible alligators on this ride? [You know, in addition to the other invisible animals.]

[memotome]

Yes. As a matter of fact, one is chewing on your leg right now, Big Lou.

[bayoublues]

Wh--

Oh. Haha. Very funny. [STARES AT HIS LEG NERVOUSLY]

[memotome]

Hey, Louis! Where ya from?

[bayoublues]

N-New Orleans?

[not_over_yet]

[ fairly certain lions are giant cats and that they eat zebras.

and the continuing nonexistence of all these wondrous sights is. remarkable. ]

[memotome]

A hippo! Look out, it's gonna sneeze!

[hades mimes sneezing.]

Aah choo! I bet you all think that that was water, but... it's not.

[get it]

[kickbuttseatnuts]

[Hehehe]

This is fun. We have fun here.

[not_over_yet]

[ why is this the toll for the boat ride, the boat ride should be the toll for this steady stream of insanity. ]

[memotome]

Uh, oh! Oh, look up ahead! There's a waterfall that I decided not to turn off today!

[there is no waterfall.]

Look at that! We're going under it, so if you don't want to get wet, lean in, lean in. That is unless your name is Gaston, in which case, lean out, lean out.